they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
