I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Sorry about my life...
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
