So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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