If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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