My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I got inside last night via doggy door
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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