I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
