I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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