Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
