Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
