He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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