Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
