You made me cry and you don't even care
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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