we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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