to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
