Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
