you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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