In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Randomize
