I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
