I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
