as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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