Rock
Scissors
Fuck
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
