I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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