So drunk, too bad you don't want this
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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