I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
