She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
