What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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