do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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