i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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