I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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