Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
