So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
