When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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