If i come over, it means nothing
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
