there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
