I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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