Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
