Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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