I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
