This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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