Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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