You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
