I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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