You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
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