I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
