jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
