Your face is a jimmy john
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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