just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
