Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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