he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
two words...techno handjob
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
