Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
