my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
