his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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