Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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