How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
