I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
