my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
