I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
